Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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