There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
