the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
