haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
