so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
