Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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