my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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