Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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