Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
So apparently I’m into choking now
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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