She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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