He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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