Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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