Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
