Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
