roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
