yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
