I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
