There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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