Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Dear god my vagina.
tell me about the fingering
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