The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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