I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm getting married
To pizza
Im part way to drunk.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
