I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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