I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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