Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize