the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i think i have two assholes
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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