is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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