we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm passing your future prison.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
