Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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