12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Randomize