first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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