i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
