4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm so fucking centered right now
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
