Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I had to cum in my sink.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
