your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
