put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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