apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
