My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
birth control should be required to get into college
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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