What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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