Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
