You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
