Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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