He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
