I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
