just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
