how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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