It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
