I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
That accounts for only three of the penises
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
