goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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