This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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