On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
