That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
