.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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