just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
