Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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