Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
