She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just want nice things and good sex
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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