After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
