He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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