Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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