True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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