Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
