PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
