Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
