I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
