I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
