If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
