dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
